Your Body Isn’t Broken, It’s Just Bored: How to Move Without Hating It
So you “don’t do” yoga.
You “don’t need” Pilates.
But your back sounds like bubble wrap every time you get off the couch?
Interesting.
Good news: you don’t need to “believe” in movement for it to work. Your body’s not a religion. It’s a machine that’s been running the same glitchy software for too long.
The Problem Isn’t Weakness — It’s Repetition
Most people aren’t weak.
They’re stuck.
You move through the same 5 motions every day — sit, scroll, reach, stand, repeat.
Your body adapts by shutting down everything it doesn’t use.
It’s not punishing you. It’s efficient. It’s like, “Cool, we don’t squat anymore? Say less.”
Then you try to work out once and everything feels foreign. That’s not failure — that’s rust.
Why “Normal” Workouts Don’t Fix It
Here’s the thing: your body doesn’t care about your gym split.
It cares about movement variety.
You can lift five days a week and still have the joint mobility of a wooden chair.
The solution isn’t more effort. It’s smarter movement.
Train your muscles and your joints, and suddenly life stops feeling like one long chiropractic appointment.
How to Trick Yourself Into Moving Again
You don’t need motivation.
You need structure that doesn’t suck.
Try this 10-minute “I’m not working out” flow:
1. Cat-Cow x10
Move your spine. Slowly. Pretend you’re decompressing your bad decisions.
2. Hip Circles x10 each direction
No one’s watching. You can look ridiculous.
3. Shoulder Rolls x20
You’ve been hunched over your phone since 2014. This is rehab.
4. Bridge Roll Ups x10 each side
Glutes online. Back pain offline.
5. Goddess or Wide Plie wth Shoulder Reach x6 each side
Twist into a new you
End with a long exhale and notice how you somehow feel taller, looser, and slightly less like a 1998 office chair.
What “Strong” Actually Means
You can deadlift your car if you want. But if you can’t twist, reach, or hinge without your spine throwing shade, what’s the point?
Strength without control is chaos.
Control without strength is yoga mom cosplay.
You need both.
Functional strength = being able to do life things without pulling something dramatic.
How to Stop Hating Movement
Stop treating workouts like punishment for existing.
You don’t need to “earn” food or prove discipline. You just need to feel better existing inside your body.
Try reframing it:
Movement = maintenance
Strength = self-respect
Flexibility = permission to relax
Rest = strategy, not weakness
You’re not broken. You’re just under-updated.
The Jessi Philosophy
Movement doesn’t have to be spiritual or aesthetic.
It can be gritty, awkward, half-assed, and still effective.
You’re allowed to train like a human, not a highlight reel.
And honestly? Some days, “I stretched and didn’t scream” counts as winning.
Want a training plan that actually fits your brain and body?
Book a 1:1 Functional Flow Session — I’ll teach you how to move without hating every second or needing a degree in yoga philosophy.